WFH WTF – The Covid Files, Day 47: ammosexual cosplay

Before you go on with saying that I’m some East Coast Liberal Elite that hates the Second Amendment and has never shot a gun in my life you should know that I’m not going to correct you on the first part.

I am. I lived my entire life in the greater mid-Atlantic Region. I have a metric shit-tonne of Jersey Pride. I’m New York Tough now too. I was a Nutmegger and a Marylander and repped the DMV and SEPA pretty hard too. I have multiple university degrees and multiple certifications and have been a part of a number of professional organizations across multiple disciplines including a few different aspects of business and music, as well as mass media, law and more. I am proud of my unending thirst for knowledge and make it a point to know as much as I can about what I love. And, yes, I am a Bull Moose modeled progressive after having gone through an ill-advised libertarian phase and come originally up as a more traditional Democratic Party moderate-liberal.

But, I would like you to know I support the Constitution and the responsible implementation of the rights bestowed within the Amendments. That includes the Second. I don’t mind people owning any number of firearms or other weapons. I personally don’t like how the right itself has been weaponized by the gun lobby over the past few decades as an irresponsible bastardization of the Amendment’s historical intent in order to help fuel the capitalist ambitions of a few manufacturers preying on the fear of a populous. I also don’t like the overt whiteness of the cause and the uneven application of the Amendment when it comes to minorities wielding weapons as it pertains to both the systemic racism of certain communities and within the justice system.

And, I want you to know that I acknowledge I am a bit of a firearms novice. However, in my “discussions” with a bunch of so-called Second Amendment enthusiasts, including some card carrying NRA members, in my peer group it’s pretty clear that many gun toting cosplay ammosexuals are equally firearms novices too. Despite the weapons they own they apparently which they suppose makes them experts, they’re about as reliable with information as asking my toddler to explain it to me. I know this about these particular people because I’ve heard them called out by qualified experts when we’ve all been together. Because I’ve researched their claims among people who’s knowledge base I trust and sources that are generally credible and reliable. I know this because one of the truisms I’ve learned is you yourself don’t know something unless you can easily explain it to someone who knows nothing about it. And, these people answer me with a word salad less filling than eating a bowl of air when I start to ask technical questions. And, then they try to pretend that I’m dumb or something. I not only could completely dissemble and reassemble the 4-barrel Holly on my 65 Mustang but I taught one of the pump attendants who’d never been under the hood of a car before how to do it. I’m pretty sure if I could maintain the complexity of a dual points Malory manual advance system and teach my friends how it worked on that nuveau-jalopy I had in High School I can understand the gun you take to the shop every time you jam it from misuse.

But, I digress.

I’m looking at the pictures of these cosplay jackasses showing up exploiting their Second Amendment as well as several of their First Amendment rights as a form of at minimum intimidation and at worst domestic terrorism and I almost have to laugh. This is what the NRA is OK with being responsible gun ownership? Seriously? Fuck the NRA and every last jackass still supporting it. If they really cared about safe, responsible gun ownership they would be the first people speaking out about the kind of careless at best and reckless at worst behavior of these ammosexauls flaunging the fact that the cops are actually more scared of a bunch of White Trash then they are of minorities.

How do I know the people in the photographs are full of shit?

First, their posture.

There’s two stances these protesters take and neither says “I know how to hold my firearm.” But, both are meant to say, “hey look, I’m a jackass with a firearm, be afraid of me.”

Hey, look buddy. I am afraid of you. But not for the reason you think I am. I’m afraid you’ll hurt yourself. Or some innocent bystander. However, I’m fairly confident you couldn’t actually hit me with anything more than accidental accuracy from a panic filled spray of bullets in my general direction.

The first is that legs spread stance with their arms slightly crossed while cradling their weapon. I used to participate in a number of marching bands and we called that “Parade Rest.” For me, I marched sling snare, tonal bass, tonal cymbals and quad toms as a player, section leader and captain as a and I can pick out someone who is struggling with the weight of their equipment out in a hear-beat. It’s not about being big and strong, which, for these douchebags they believe it is. Nope, I’ve seen some pretty demure people flex 20″ crashes in a tonal line for a 10k parade and never look for the worse in terms of posture and they sounded just as amazing in click one as click 10 slamming out fucking Sousa. These shitheads however look like they just carried my grandmothers dining room hutch fully filled up three flights of steps. There’s no way with those locked knees, sunken shoulders and arched backs they are going to be ready to take aim and fire at a range forget about in the heat of the moment. They’re more likely strain or sprain something trying to get themselves into position from whatever it is that that stance they’re holding is than they are to actually get a timely shot off because their muscles are tight and their joints are misaligned for being able to maneuver with any fluidity.

My guess is, this is because they are overloaded. They visually look weighed down. Maybe these faux gym rats are really out of shape when it comes to the practicality of supporting full gear. I mean, it’s really easy to do arm curls to a 6-pack of Miller light, maybe roll a keg of Coors on occasion, bust a few presses with the Bud but honestly, when you never wear your vest with it’s inserts it’s going to be about as uncomfortable as your so-called Sunday’s best when you actually only take them out for Xmas and Easter. And, it’s readily apparent that you only actually ever hold that weapon when you are hillbilly shooting at cans off a fence…err, I’m sorry, picking it up off the tray to take some still shots at the range. Either way, it’s clear you don’t carry it for any period of time because it looks like you’re sisyphus on his trillionth time with the boulder in how your struggling to cradle it.

I’m not going to even get into how many of them are just plain positioning their firearms wrong because all of the underlying stuff is soooooooo bad that it’s almost unfair to spend time nitpicking the fact that half of them aren’t even in a position to be able to soft tap the safety and be prepared to shoot discretely and the ones that are still couldn’t get the weapon into firing position with ease because of their posture such that they’d need excessive repositioning or they’d get hung up on their own half-assed gear to get there, which, we’ll get to in a moment.

Then again, look at the gear these guys are donning.

Seriously, who the fuck wears jeans at a time like this?

I get it. When you spend as much time on a bar stool doing pint presses as you do taking viagra to get your dick hard you didn’t realize that jean is terrible on your nutsack, not to mention your knees and just about everything else, but as a seasoned outdoorsman I can tell you jean occurs for two reasons — you are stupid or your are a lazy bastard who expects not to actually do anything staining in the first place. If you’re wearing jeans to a fight. Any fight. You’re a fucking moron. Full stop.

Then these asshats are wearing soft hats. I get it. A helmet is hot. It’s heavy on your head. It’s not hip. And this isn’t about being safe, it’s about being cool and looking bad. So, what do a bunch of white trash asshats do, but steal a the 1970s hip hop era urban black kids style as an elderly white dude in the 2020s and flip their soft cap backwards so they don’t even get the benefit of reduced sun glare. But a soft hat offer no protection. Fuckin’ a dude, even anarchist, pot smoking skateboarders figured out cranium damage was a problem a few decades ago and you redneck dumbasses still don’t understand that riot police and the military have donned them in “combat” for that reason since the era of the last pandemic but somehow you are OK with not wearing them but supposedly being combatative now?

Of course, they don’t have knee pads of any kind, so they aren’t actually prepared to hit the deck and manuever low to their center of gravity comfortably. And, they mostly lack useful gloves too so their hands are exposed unnecessarily.

But, most of all they don’t have masks. Not only don’t have masks because they don’t believe Covid exists, or if it does exists don’t believe they need to wear one to help protect themselves.

Nope, these mostly bearded hipster-not-hipsters have fucking unkept facial hair that makes the poorly conceived haircuts we attempted to give our toddlers on their heads actually look professional. These dudes didn’t lose their free gillette in the last few months. Nope these unbathed, unkept, wanna-be mountain men managed to keep their shitty buzzcuts semi clean with dog and sheep sheers but couldn’t figure out what the fuck to do with their faces. It’s no wonder they are out protesting rather than being intimate with their wive(s) (and/or girlfriends and/or sisters and/or mothers and/or brothers, and/or uncles, and/or priests, etc) ain’t no fucking human on the face of the planet want a piece of the pubic jungle they have on their faces.

I have awesome chops. I’ve studied the history of chops and facial hair in general as well as the historical significance of hair on men in general, over several decades now. I’m not an authority, but I can defend my decisions with ease over normal arguments. None of which defend these ammosexual cosplayers whos hair is a lice factory in waiting.

For more than two decades I have crafted different versions of my hair, researched it do defend my choices, and particularly on my face and experienced first hand what the different styles are for wearing a variety of masks post-9/11 as well as post-Sandy among other personal experiences needing to compensate for pathogens, dust and the like. There’s a reason why you see some facial styles, including chops, come into play in certain situations. And, breaking a bear into around the mouth and around the ears into different hair styles had as much to do with vanity as it did with practicality, including attempts at minimizing what at the time where early chemical warfare techniques. But, I digress…

If these gun-toters cared about their cause they’d wear ones too. To protect themselves. To protect one another. To at a minimum to protect themselves from their perceived enemy.

Ironically, they make fun of minority gangs for wearing bandanas but the underlying rationelle is quite applicable here and these jackholes missed the lesson. First, obviously, it helps filter the air, even at the most minimal level, and gang war not only happened in the ghetto but in every ubran area of bad air quality. They make fun of LA and NY but have you ever seen the coal smoke Appalachia in West Virginia and Kentucky or the “hogfly” of the Carolinas or the dustbowl of the plains of Texarkhoma? It’s every bit as brutal and when it happens the smart ones wear masks too.

It’s all too easy for these “I like the feel of thistle in my lungs” former tobacco hounds to discredit what sniffing in shit is because they’ve never had full lung capacity anyhow because they grew up in polluted shitholes that no one ever wanted to talk about. Most people don’t want to breathe in coke which is why dusting the enemy or the cops was so tragic. But these fucksticks have been dusted by everything from coal ash to hog waste to meth processing to the backwash out of their neighbor’s car exhaust, because as we discussed before, the don’t actually know jack-shit about.

I could go on. They are wearing godamned low rise Converse Chucks in the pics…because untreated canvas retro anklets are the way to go into battle — what, the colored paisley underwear you had to steal from your grandmother’s panty drawer is fine to have around your neck but wearing Timbs or Docs because they are popular among minorities now might be too ghetto for your liking despite both those companies being as old as your grandmother’s panties?

That’s what I don’t get about ammosexuals.

They aren’t armed for war. They accuse minorities of being ignorant. But yet these cosplay fools are showing up ready to be gunned down by the “deep state” in ways that no minority gang member, mobster, or anyone else with any sense of rebellion in the history of the world would ever do.

I guarantee you, if threatened, there would be no real rebellion from the Trumpublikkan right at this point. The “left” would defend them faster in court than they could defend themselves in the battle field and unfortunately the leftists would probably be more successful at giving the cosplay ammosexuals what they “really” want than their false flag, tin foil hat rebellion would have actually accomplished.

After all, would a bunch of dudes who are holding their guns where their safety switch finger isn’t actually on the safety switch in the photography and their trigger finger isn’t easily actually able to reach the semi-automatic trigger of their not always well maintained weapon in such a way that their not very well trained situational warfare experience will allow them to accomplish their mission during a skirmish they didn’t actually expect to happen.

I dunno. Maybe I am too smart. too rationale. too not dumbass to realize that these ammosexual cosplay fucknuts are more likely to shoot themselves than anything else. I mean, even the dumbest villians in the lowest of lowbrow interpretations of cartoons seems to have more self awareness than these fools showing up with their guns.

Then again. the white trash ammosexual costplayers in cop uniforms seems to help the rest of america’s dumbass minorities thrive so who knows. Maybe thats what inbread cosplay with a gun barrel is all about.

Afterall. These same jackholes with an empty cranium will correct everyone about how their AR isn’t a military grade weapon (you’re right, they don’t use legos to built M16s and even M16s aren’t great infantry weapons anymore so how is your piece of shit AR going to stand up to an M16 when you rebel, or are you too stupid to think that through, ne’re mind they have M1-Abrams, or, MQ-9 Reapears, or, I dunno, fucking Nuclear Weapons) It’s like the goddamned education system isn’t failing minorities as much as it’s supercreating fucking dumbass white kids.

I mean seriously. If I have to look at another protester stow their ammo in free pockets on their body I’m going to cry. It’s like you want to die and just can’t figure out the right way to commit suicide. For christ’s sake, you’re diabetic, clogged artery, smokers, just one more of any of that should do you in and yet you’re able to successfully walk around, in public, with poorly stowed ammo without blowing up your local child molesting priest? Seriously, how misguided are your values that decades long kid touchers, pologamy and tax fraud is ok but some liberal correctly wearing a mask to protect YOUR health is some kind of moral infringement.

Stupid cannot be cured. But hopefully, it can be Covid Cadavered. Because the American way needs to overcome the murikkkan stupid that seems to allow a bunch of pointy hooded, narrow minded, inbread inspired fucksticks to believe that it’s OK for their grandmothers to die so long as they can blame it on a bunch of liberals that stopped them from getting a pabst and no chance of getting laid by their wife because she’s fucked up on white claw and paint thinner fumes from getting a bad salon job

20 albums, 20 days
Tagged by Rob via Kevin

–the “influence” of concept records–

Day Seven: Zao – Funeral for a God – 2003

From my perspective as a Zao fan who endured endless line up changes and the constant shape shifting of a brilliant little hardcore outfit from nowhere West Virginia to post-religious progcore collective that produced one of the quintessential concept record – an endeavor that not only flips thematic writing on its head but challenges the group’s roots right down through their core.

This is a caustically apocalyptic story both sonically and lyrically in which “God” disgusted by humanity as it’s become abandons them. From the perspective of humanity, there’s some level of repentance but there’s no clear acceptance by God of a return. It’s a very personal story for many, myself included, who struggled with the traditional Western interpretation of God, the Keeper.

Zao, over my years of studying metalcore, are my next-gen experience of Voivod, for better or worse. And, I think that’s why I struggled with how to present them in this list. They belong everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time. They do abruptly amazing and unexpected things that literally cause chasms in their genres and yet are not appreciated until way later for how their progressive diatribes actually could be applied. For who would have guessed a Christian band would write about a lack of God so forthright. Or a “metalcore” band would embrace the elements of atmosphere and emo at a time when most of their peers where doubling down on the genre’s stomping breakdowns. It is just as refreshing a listen now as it was back then and remains a watershed moment in the band’s often turbulent career where everything came together somewhat seamlessly.

While the individual tracks stand quite well on their own my preferred listening is almost always top to bottom because there’s something about how the interlocking pieces fit together than makes the highs of the record’s individual tracks even higher and really puts a point to some of the experimentation they undertook.

As for food, what have we been eating?

If there’s something to be said for what I end up posting here sometimes it’s that it’s ended up being a lot of “comfort” type foods an a lot of stuff I can throw together with whatever we have in relatively short time frames. I take short cuts out of necessity as much as anything else since there really is a limited window between everything else in which to manage all the crazy.

Today I made a diner classic in a very not diner kind of way.

Typically, the diner’s around here use the 1950’s tuna salad special of canned albacore, mayo and chopped celery and it’s served on toasted choice of rye or white, with either American or munster broiled on top, served open faced. If you’re wondering, I’m a Rye with Munster and a slice of tomato kind of person, side of slaw, garlicly dill pickle and seasoned fries.

However, when I make canned tuna at home I take a LOT of liberties with the flavoring. It’s set in mayo, then used a combination of Old Bay, a house blend Piri-Piri seasoning (has garlic powder, onion powder, smoked paprika, piri piri powder), diced pickled jalapeno, finely diced red onion, chives and dried cilantro along with a couple of dashes of lime juice to make the tuna salad part.

I slathered the crusty multigrain bread we had at home with mayo and gave it a pan toasting while preparing everything else. Then I added a layer of diced tomato, finely diced red onion and pickled jalapeno almost like a “salsa” to the bread with a quick dash of salt, then I layered tuna salad on top, slapped a couple of slices of munster on it and put it under the broiler.

Tonnes of variations on the seasoning though.

Want it Buffalo Style? Normally, I still use mayo, but cut in half, but ranch or blue cheese dressing works too, and use a store bought buffalo sauce or make your own with Franks Red Hot and Butter as the other half (there’s a bunch of recipes on line for how to do this. I usually throw in some extra red pepper flakes, black pepper and garlic powder along with the diced celery. I use a chopped celery and diced tomato bed between the toast and salad and I bake some blue cheese crumbles on top

Want it Italian Style? I still use the mayo, but a creamy italian works too, diced celery, onion and fennel with dried italian herbs mixture (basil, parsley, oregano, etc) and black pepper. Sliced tomato (salted and peppered) as the bed and some provolone broiled on top.

Want it Asian-fusion? Try some wasabe steeped soy sauce mixed in with chopped garlic, chopped fresh ginger, finely chopped onion and either mayor or something like a Yum Yum Sauce (buy it or there’s some recipes to make your own online). I use pickled ginger slices along with seaweed as the bed and broil something like fontina on top when I can (to my knowledge cheese really isn’t a big thing in Japanese cooking so I wouldn’t even know what to recommend since I’ve never had any).

And, so on. You basically just add the cliche flavor of the places you want your tuna to visit. It’s a fun way to travel with your food and not actually go anywhere

About thedoormouse

I am I. That’s all that i am. my little mousehole in cyberspace of fiction, recipes, sacrasm, op-ed on music, sports, and other notations both grand and tiny:
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