What does it mean to be a father? The meaning of which has huge social, religious, political and emotional implications and is at the center of the season’s biggest upcoming movies, one that spans generations of understanding of not just pop culture but how we view and review things like broken homes and redemptive individuals.
Is fatherhood biological? Such that, Annekin is Luke’s father because they share DNA that prescribes they act in certain ways?
Is is a psychographical? Such that Luke and Annekin relate to a similar co-joined entity that unites them to interact in certain ways.
Is it sociological? Such that Annekin and Luke are thus expected to act in certain ways.
Is it emotional? Such that Luke and Annkin presume they should interact in certain ways.
Is it something else?
Am I scared shitless of if?
The truth of the answer is yes. I am. Not because I doubt I can, or will be a good father in-and-of itself but because I doubt I can live up to the vast breath and depth of the idyllic conception of what fatherhood means in the modern world.
Chances of me being as adaptive as my father-in-law became for his family are slim in the short term but I need to live up to that. Chances of me being as giving as my dad’s father was for his family are slim but I need to live up to that.
Chances of me being inheriting the flaws being a “man” are pretty good especially the flaws of some of the men like my grandfather and father-in-law who I look up to. It isn’t as much replicating what they did, or didn’t do, but how I can take from their experiences and figure out how to apply them in my new-found variation of reality.
I worked on a lot of the things I’d been accused of missing in the past.
First, I spend more time understanding the ROI of my education. I made a lot of education decisions because I wanted to learn something but initially didn’t have a plan for leveraging it. I was fortunate each and every degree was both easy to pay off but was a fulcrum to additional upside. I now understand better how to determine how I want to use that going through so many recent rounds of interviews in trying to fill new positions.
It also helped me translate how I should consider looking at things with my wife and where she is at and what the difference in our career trajectories includes for time off and whatnot.