The old cliche goes, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Things changed last year and yet they also stayed the same.
Everyone kind of experiences change a little different. Our expectations are both set internally and through society externally. How we process and deal with those different ways of viewing expectation help define how we define change and it’s impact in our lives.
The change, for me, represented the culmination of one of the biggest decisions I will make in my life. Thus far too, it’s also been one of the best.
The change actually started more than a year ago and may never be complete. It began by agreeing to communicate with one another. Eventually, that communication lead to a date which led to dating and the commencement of a relationship which led to engagement and eventually to marriage of which we’re now celebrating the anniversary of. Through out each step is a representation of change.
Some of the change was inherent as each step represented a new level of commitment and expectation and yet it was such a natural evolution in many ways, not something that was strictly inherent to the action.
We define commitment differently in some regards to each stage but are no less, and arguably no more, committed now than we were before in reality. The context looks different. The words defining it feel different. It can feel more powerful. But the actions in and of themselves day in and day out really aren’t that much different. It’s a weird sort of technicality that creates this odd dichotomy of experiencing change without feeling change.
The same thing with expectation. I expect no more from her than she’s able to give, and no less. What the daily view of that might be changed over time but because our circumstances in life changed almost moreso than the expectation itself changing because the naming convention in the relationship changed. It was a fluid process of greater expectation that occurred natural as we enjoyed life together, so much so that it was almost anti-climactic in some ways when we actually put a name on it.
And now, looking back at the last year and the drastic life change that occurred getting us from the big day to today I cannot imagine having made that journey with anyone but her. I don’t think I could have been successful in trying had it been with anyone but her. She makes me reevaluate myself everyday and I believe I do much the same for her, and in as such we are both better people for it.
I am anything but perfect. Same with her, but for all her imperfections, even and especially the ones that drive me nuts, I know of no one more dedicated to self-improvement than her and it’s in experiencing change with her that I find myself working on my own flaws more readily too.
It’s been a hassle but it’s also been an emotional thrill. Enjoyable and yet eternally frustrating. Remarkable and yet at times indescript. It’s been, as a matter of fact, life. That’s the one thing we couldn’t define any other way even if we could define our relationship and the needs and expectations that evolve from it the way we want. We could define our vows and the ceremony but we couldn’t define all those other uncontrollables.
And, that’s what being really successful is all about, how you deal with the uncontrollables. How you deal with the onslaught that is life itself. Sure, we’ve tripped and fallen and skinned our knees, bruised our egos and let ourselves and the other person and everyone looking on down a little bit at times but we get right back up, brush ourselves off and get right back on living and that’s what earns us the real respect, provides other’s with that believe we’re a pretty good couple to emulate and gives us the motivation to continue because we’re always there to help pick the other person back up. Hopefully life doesn’t deal us with more than the bruised knee but when it does we’re building the ability to deal with that too whatever change it represents.