I spend the weekend doing doormouse things. I went to a park and did a little “hiking” and to the beach to do a little mouse-burning. I made a crazy meal for myself and went crazy around the apartment re-arranging things and cleaning to find a more efficient want of fitting all of our crap into an undersized apartment.
In this experience I learned a few things.
First, certain flavor combinations will only ever make sense to me… and no, you don’t want to know what I did to a sunny side up egg, homemade ketchup, fresh basil, Romano cheese, sardines and a half a toasted Portuguese roll… you don’t need to. That’s for me and my secret sandwich obsession.
Second, Shit’s about to get real, yo! Real what, I’m not 100% sure. Stressful probably. It’s 60 days away.
Third, to quote, J D Sallinger, because it seems appropriate “I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy”
I’m most certainly in love. I’m not always sure what the heck that means, but whatever it is by definition doesn’t matter, it appears to be intrinsically a good thing.
In spending the weekend apart it provided me with ample time to reflect on who I was and who we are. It made me realize that although I still thoroughly enjoyed exploring the park trails and stopping for an adult beverage at the little cafe and going to the beach, sitting on the sand with an ice cream in hand and so on, those activities were made even more enjoyable sharing them with someone special. Granted, had we actually gone to the park together chances are I would have covered fewer total miles and maybe not stopped to take quite as many pictures and probably lingered extra time at the cafe, but that’s the sacrifice of having splendid company to participate in the trek with. I’m used to these things and figure it’s more than a fair tradeoff to make the memory with someone.
In the coming two months there’s a lot of ground to cover intellectually, emotionally, financially and otherwise. Before we both know it we will arrive on the big day with the rest of our lives ready to be bonded, crazy glue style.
This is somewhere between exciting and nerve-racking. The possibilities seem endless but the reality is it’s a fairly narrow focus for the next 60 days leading up. We’ve done our due diligence to this point to mitigate potential stresses, but for the day and more importantly for our lives ahead. We’ve worked with our chosen faith congregation, we’ve done couples counseling, we’ve engaged in our own “state of the union” addresses with one another all in exploring new avenues to prepare us best for the communication and expectation setting required for what we feel a successful marriage will be. We’ve identitifed our own strengths and weaknesses, our stressors in our families, our work lives and in our own self-induced traumas.
We’ve taken to heart the idea of planning a marriage and not just a wedding. We’ve addressed in even more detail than living together ever brought us what we feel about our finances, our responsibilities, our aspirations, our future housing, creating a family and more.
Up to this point it’s been about us as individual getting to know one another, what our likes and dislikes and idiosyncrasies are. We’ve dissected what we like, and don’t like and aren’t sure what the heck it is about one another. Even how much we’ve changed, grown, regressed, morphed, adapted to and adopted from one another and the life experiences we’ve shared. In the run-up of the next 60 days it’s time to take the crux that information and learn new ways to use it forging the foundation of a common ground that is who we are as a couple.
I described the process as like creating a Ven Diagram at one point and it’s true. Our two circles overlap a bit right now, the objective of our union of both civil and religious meaning will push those circles harder to overlap even more. If we’re successful will will enable us to be a strong, interlocked couple that still has unique, individual components that all together define us as a whole. There’s no point in the circles overlapping completely just as there’s no point for them to never touch, maximizing for who we want to be the way they come together is what the next 60 days and every single solitary subsequent day after are about.
Sixty days is an arbitrary point in which the dating chapter of our lives writes its close and the matrimonial chapter of our lives begins to be written, but the people who we are has long been at work on creating the overarching narrative of being in a committed, faithful, monogamous, honest relationship. That doesn’t necessarily stop in 60 days, just the terminology used to define us flips.