At one point, at what seems a lifetime ago, I learned something I still hold with me dearly. It is the only piece of advice I give my friends and family when they are contemplating engagement and marriage. A variant thereof is the only piece of advice I give to those of my friends who are contemplating breakup and divorce. It was a centerpiece of my own journey in life:
“Don’t plan a wedding, plan a marriage… the wedding is a party for your families, a marriage is the future of the two of you together, potentially forever.”
It seems so simple; so straight-forward; so obvious. Yet, it’s probably one of the most overlooked and under-estimated pieces of advice ever. It requires from its participants that I truly believe eludes all too many people, not just involved in committed relationships but life in general. As much as I’ve forgone my original religious experience for the long-time developed identity I have to give credit to the monsignor in Kearny for his words of wisdom. They not only enlightened my future romantic endeavors they scripted this:
“You are who you always were and will continue to be not who you try to present yourself as right now, who you are is shown in your long term actions and not in your fleeting reactions.”
We, as a people are focused on the “here and now” and neglect too highly the affects of the past and the actual aspirations of the future. We are mired in “what are you doing for me” and not enough in rectifying the reality of “what can you do” and “what are you capable of.” This inspiration of instant gratification is our ultimate downfall.
I feel infinitely valued by the fact that I am able to work within my life’s constructs to value this idea.