the interpretation of rejection

Everyone has it happen to them. No one enjoys it. The old adage goes, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Supposedly each rejection happens for a reason and those wise enough to learn from it are able to overcome and use the knowledge to propel themselves to future success.

I often wonder, however, how much this theory applies to dating. Rejection in an inevitable course of dating as not everyone you meet will result in that oft-sought true love, obviously. One has to kiss quite a few frogs to find their prince(ss) as it would seem. In the process of kissing frogs one is supposedly supposed to learn what they are truly searching for as well as attain a more in-depth knowledge of themselves.

Truly though, rejection usually comes without much explanation. People come and go with little actual insight as to what really was incompatible and what the rejected could do in the future to actually improve their chances of success. Personally, I’ve heard quite a number of them over the years. Everything from “because God told me to” to “oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you I’m engaged” and what have I learned? Well, people are not completely honest when it comes to feelings and emotions. I should consider myself well aware of this phenomenon from the splendid ways long term relationships collapsed and with my recent dating exploits now finding the termination verbiage being recycled, I thought I might try my hand at a more gallant interpretation of it… enjoy

It’s not you, it’s me – Translation: It’s you, but I’m trying to be nice and shift the burden so you don’t feel as rejected. It can be used as a catch all in conjunction with any of the other excuses but it is the be all end all to lightly say there’s something about you that’s not my thing that I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling you was f’ed up even if we were best friends so rather than broaching such an uncomfortable topic, I’ll simply just blame myself and get you out of my life as quick as possible.

I like you as a friend / let’s just be friends – Translation: You seemed nice enough but now that I’m getting to know you there’s not much redeeming to continue this relationship. If ever there was a better excuse for shirking out of ever talking to you it has yet to be found. It provides the cover of presumption of future conversation but a simple task of never replying will usually send the real message loud and clear. Yes, it can leave open a bit of a stalker door, but more times than not, it is the perfect nobody’s fault we just fell out of touch way of shirking the responsibility of rejection.

I’m not ready for a relationship right now – Translation: I’m not ready for a relationship with you right now. The premise of this is that although the person claims to like things about you, they really don’t like you like you like that. Rather than just saying it’s not going to work with you, the excuse is meant to shift the timing so that had things been under other circumstances they might have been different, leaving you to feel not as rejected by the person as much as unfortunate by bad timing.

I’ll call you sometime soon – Translation: Soon being the operative word it should be translated as on my deathbed when I apologize to all those I hurt in life. When the “sometime soon” is evoked it usually is meant to be indeterminate allowing the person enough time for you to hopefully forget about the experience and move on.

About thedoormouse

I am I. That’s all that i am. my little mousehole in cyberspace of fiction, recipes, sacrasm, op-ed on music, sports, and other notations both grand and tiny:
This entry was posted in Opinion, personal musings, relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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