The death at Calvary. Golgotha. The place of skulls.
Ironic actually since the city in the Dirty Jerz I was in is pretty much a conceivable modern equivalent of that at times. Don’t get me wrong, there are redeeming qualities to it, as their were to the place of Christ’s assumed crucifixion, but honestly now, it’s a little eerie, even beyond the placement…
This week is the beginning of a grander turning point. It is the opportunity to move forward and resurrect myself. After a multi-year ordeal of growing, and changing, and defining myself by that process, I now have the pivot necessary to define myself from a new viewpoint, just as the Christ-figure took a multiyear transformation from unknown to profit and used the theoritical weekend of the same time thousands of years ago to redefine his being from human back to divine.
I’m by no means becoming divine, nor is my transformation even remotely as noble. This is simply me fulfilling my original promise, to ensure happiness and I am satisfied to have accomplished that. At some moments I may not consider myself happy but I’m somewhat assured that in making the decisions I have and executing them to this point I am providing the destined opportunity for those around me, for the person the promise was originally made and ultimately for myself as I’m assured that I will eventually feel this too. I do today, and that’s a start.
Mostly, I never expected this but going through the process I see how it was inevidable even in the closing moments. Ultimately, the failure falls on me for not expecting it, not anticipating, not being able to identify the potential failure points as they occurred, not doing enough to recognize and circumvent them, to define more realistic successes and followed a series of goals to accomplish them, I fell into the usual trap everyone does that when it seems like it’s going right to just ride the wave.
I know now that transfiguration is a process and for the last year i’ve experienced more of that process than I had the many years before leading up to that turning point. I’m stronger now in understanding this.
Many years ago Kearny Monsignor mentioned something that’s a great life lesson even outside of romantic relatinoships if you treat it figuratively, though the literal will forever be my ONLY advice for engaged types (and I’m sure I’ll reword it for all the kids I mentor regardless) – ‘don’t plan a wedding, plan a marriage, a wedding is a day that’s for the families, a marriage is for you and your wife and will define your future’